|
|
"INTRODUCTIONS"
In the end of things, there is always a beginning. But in this ending of medical school, I face the beginning of uncertainty. It daunts me that I've chosen a fairly untraditional path, and that, in the end, it was largely not my choice. I realize I'm speaking in riddles, but that's how things seem right now. Riddled and confused.
I hope that as I speak with you over the course of the year, my current chaos will become understandable, and that I'll forge new directions out of old ways. But for now, for these first few sessions, perhaps I should be content with introducing myself, allowing you to get to know me. If you have questions, now or in the future, please send them on. I look forward to this dialogue.
I graduated from college thinking that my life would be the blending of the bench and the bedside. I quoted from Lewis Thomas in my application essays, feeling at the time that his life of research and clinical medicine was the ideal inspiration for my own work. I came to a school renowned for its basic science research, and found a place as a Cancer Biology MD/PhD student. But the human drama, as it were, pulled me out of lab unrelentlessly, and I naturally gravitated towards positions of leadership within the medical student community. These positions were extensions of what I felt were natural occupations for me: building community and awareness. Eventually, I would find myself at the center of school battles over sexual harassment, an issue I took very personally. As an advocate for student rights, I ran headlong into administration opposition. No matter how careful and articulate students were in articulating their point of view, we enraged administrators concerned with the image of the school.
I was also diagnosed with a serious illness, which, combined with the above political events, forced me to take a leave of absence from medical school. I am oversimplifying greatly here; next time, I'll talk more about my illness, which should clarify matters somewhat. The time off proved valuable. I worked for the Clinton campaign and eventually on health care reform in the Clinton White House before returning to medical school. I pursued my burgeoning interests in policy with courses in the business and law schools, and returned to clinical training confident that I would do a residency and then make choices about my future after that. It was not to be. A relapse of illness forced me to rethink my priorities and put off, at least for now, a residency.
Which brings me to the end of a very difficult year, filled with disappointments and broken dreams, yet with some hope that perhaps all was for the best, and that this shift in expectations was in the cards anyway. Perhaps I was never fated to be a practicing clinician. But giving up my dream of practicing medicine was crushing. I take solace in the hope that my work will result in improvements in the health of whole populations, eventually.
There's no small irony that being a patient has altered my dream of doctoring; I'll talk about that next time.
Ravi
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
[ T o n y | M a r c u
s | J a m e s | J a s o
n | R a v i | D a n i e l |
M o | P e t e r ] |
||